This is the text of a ventriloquist dialogue that Lazarus and John often do. It has a great missionary message and is a lot of fun to do. It is our most often requested story. I hope that you enjoy it.
| John | Lazarus, I want to talk with you about a very important subject. |
| Lazarus | Like girls! |
| John | No. Like obedience. |
| Lazarus | Obedience? It sounds like a disease. Do I have that disease? |
| John | Well, do you remember a few weeks ago. Didn't I catch you throwing stones at that little boy next door? I told you not to do that. |
| Lazarus | But he threw one at me first. |
| John | But I told you not to throw stones. |
| Lazarus | But he threw one at me first! |
| John | But I told you not to throw stones. |
| Lazarus | Well, what should I have done? |
| John | You should have come to get me. |
| Lazarus | You? You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. |
| John | Maybe not, but I would have gotten to the bottom of things. |
| Lazarus | Yes, you would have gotten to my bottom! |
| John | Can you think of anyone in the Bible who disobeyed God? |
| Lazarus | Give me a clue. |
| John | Well there was Moses, and Samson, and David, and Jonah .. |
| Lazarus | Jonah? How did Jonah disobey God? |
| John | Well, God called Jonah to be a missionary. He told him to go the most wicked and evil city in the whole wide world to tell them to get right with God. |
| Lazarus | Oh, he wanted him to go to Atlanta! |
| John | No, it wasn't Atlanta. It was Ninevah. But, instead of going where God wanted him to go, he ran away from the Lord. He went in the exact opposite direction. |
| Lazarus | Oh, Oh. |
| John | Well, God sent a big storm to get his attention. The wind started to blow, and the waves got high ... it was a terrible storm. Now, not all of the storms we face in life are the result of disobedience, but this one was. It was a terrible, terrible, terrible ... |
| Lazarus | Get on with it! |
| John | It was a terrible storm. And do you know where Jonah was? |
| Lazarus | He was hanging over the rail, throwing up. |
| John | No, that's not right! |
| Lazarus | That's where I would have been. I get seasick. |
| John | No. He was down in the bottom of the boat, sleeping. |
| Lazarus | Sleeping? |
| John | Yes, sleeping! |
| Lazarus | Well, he must have taken Tylenol PM. Either that or he had been listening to tapes of your sermons. |
| John | Anyway, the sailors knew that someone was running away from God, but they didn't know who. Finally, they found out it was Jonah. They tried to save the ship by throwing things overboard, but that didn't do any good. Finally, they knew that they head to get rid of Jonah. |
| Lazarus | You mean they made him walk the plank? |
| John | Yes, they made him walk the plank. |
| Lazarus | Man overboard! And that was the end of Jonah. |
| John | No, it wasn't the end of Jonah. |
| Lazarus | Well, it would have been the end of me. I can't swim. |
| John | The Bible says that God had prepared a big fish, and when Jonah fell into the water, Gulp! The big fish swallowed him up. |
| Lazarus | Just like Jaws! Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. |
| John | No, it wasn't anything like Jaws. Anyway, when he got into the whale, do you know what happened to Jonah? |
| Lazarus | No. And I don't even want to think about it. |
| John | He started to pray, like he'd never prayed before. |
| Lazarus | I would too. |
| John | He said, "God, if you can hear me and get me out of this mess, I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll be the kind of man you want me to be." |
| Lazarus | Did God hear him when he prayed? |
| John | God always hears us when we pray. |
| Lazarus | Even at the bottom of the sea? |
| John | Even at the bottom of the sea! |
| Lazarus | Even in the belly of a big fish? |
| John | No matter where we are, if we mean business, God hears us when we pray. |
| Lazarus | So, what happened next? |
| John | Well, God made that big fish swim right up by the dry land and he spit Jonah up onto the beach. |
| Lazarus | You mean the whale burped? |
| John | Well, actually the Bible says ... well, you don't want to know. |
| Lazarus | I want to know. I really want to know. |
| John | Well, it ways that the whale vomited. |
| Lazarus | I wish you would not have told me. |
| John | Anyway, do you know what Jonah did as soon as he got onto the beach? |
| Lazarus | He took a shower! |
| John | No, after the shower. He went to Ninevah like he told God he would, and the Bible says there was a great revival in Ninevah that day - over a hundred thousand people were saved because that one man obeyed the call of the Lord. |
| Lazarus | Can you imagine how many people around here would be saved if all of us would obey God's voice like that. |
| John | A lot, I'm sure. Now, what did you learn from that story, Lazarus? |
| Lazarus | I don't know. Give me a clue. |
| John | Well, what did you learn about God? |
| Lazarus | Ah ... Oh, I know! If you are going to run away from God, don't take a boat. |
| John | No! |
| Lazarus | But it's true! |
| John | Yes, I know it's true, but that is not what the story is about. What did you learn about Jonah? What lesson did you learn from his life? |
| Lazarus | Ah ... Oh, I know. The moral of the story is, you cannot keep a good man down. Get it? The whale couldn't keep him down? |
| John | Yes, I get it. And you're going to get it in a minute. Now, before I put you in the suitcase, is there anything you want to say to these people? |
| Lazarus | Yes there is. The very best place to be is right where God want's you to be. Doing what He wants you to do and being the kind of person He wants you to be. |
| John | You are a pretty smart dummy. |
| Lazarus | And you are a pretty dumb smarty! |
| John | Say goodbye, Lazarus. |
| Lazarus | Goodbye, Lazarus. |